Matt Schiavenza From the Dragon to the Apple- A Sinophile in New York

An Open Letter to US Airways

Dear US Airways,

I realize that these are not the salad days for the airline industry. Rising fuel prices and lessened consumer demand mean that profit margins are smaller than ever, and in a competitive market each airline must do what it can to cut costs and attract customers.

I realize that the days when you could expect a solid (if unspectacular) meal, a blanket, a pillow, and other perks for free are long gone. I realize that the only thing that matters is that price on the website when I, the consumer, search for flights. I realize that brand loyalty is as quaint a concept these days as bipartisanship in Congress.

Yet even with these caveats, I found your performance on my red-eye flight to be most disappointing. First, there's the matter of the emergency row seats. Now, as a tall person facing an overnight flight I was quite happy to purchase one of them for a bit of extra leg room. $36 is a little steep, but facing the prospect of being wedged between two slobs in a middle seat I did not hesitate in the slightest to take it. When the transaction was finished, I figured that we had reached a win-win solution. I, the tall passenger, got the leg room. You, the airline, got extra money.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I discovered that my seat wasn't in the emergency row but rather behind it. My 30 years on this planet have taught me that a row, in the singular, consists of items placed next to each other. If there are seats placed behind others, the row ceases to be a row but rather rows, in the plural. Or, put another way, columns. Now, there's a reason that airplanes don't have emergency rows, or emergency columns. It wouldn't be efficient in the event of, you know, an emergency.

When I tried to point this out to the steward, a small man who resembled a jowlier version of George Stephanopolous, he cheerfully pointed out that I still had "access to" the emergency exit. While I appreciated his enthusiasm, I think he rather missed the point. Being close to the emergency exit in and of itself isn't much of a privilege. In fact, it's a responsibility, as the steward so earnestly warned us. Why anyone would pay extra to assume an extra responsibility is beyond me.

Had the steward admitted that the "emergency row" bait and switch was really just another example of your petty, de-humanizing business model,  I would have respected his honesty. Instead, his brainwashed explanation for why I should feel grateful for my marked-up seat made me hate you even more. I can only conclude that there is something rotten in the state of US Airways, an infection that has spread from the top of the corporation to the lowliest foot soldiers on the front lines. My fury only simmered further after your gate "attendants" twice gave me the wrong departure gate on the connecting flight, nearly causing me to miss my connection to New York.

US Airways, you know as well as I that the Earth is littered with the carcasses of dead airlines. TWA. Pan-Am. Valujet. If  I request anything for Christmas- other than one of those portable electronic devices you tell me I'm not allowed to use - it is that you too meet the heavy hand of bankruptcy. Failing that, I suppose I'll be secure in my knowledge that I'll never have to fly with you again.

Yours,

Matt