Matt Schiavenza From the Dragon to the Apple- A Sinophile in New York

The Laowai Lexicon

I was thinking it'd be fun to have a laowai lexicon, a glossary of terms in both English and Chinese often on the tip of the tongue of the average laowai. Perhaps with a bit of collaboration and effort we can make it more like the Ayn Rand lexicon! So let's start with a few:

1. 没有 (meiyou). An all-encompassing term that literally means 'to not have', but in practice also means 'go away, I don't want to help you' and 'We might have it but I don't really want to look'

2. Rent-a-laowai. This is a temporary job in which one's sole qualification is being a (white) foreigner. Rent-a-laowai gigs usually consist of modeling, acting, participating on TV game shows, or simply standing around being foreign.

3. 保安 (bao'an). This is (usually) a man who lives in a shack near the main gate of an apartment complex. Many laowais extend great effort in cultivating a good relationship with their bao'an, for the bao'an can be a very important in one's life. A good bao'an is sort of like a good referee in a basketball game: you don't even realize he's there. A bad one might be a thorn in your side, particularly if you routinely arrive home in the small hours with an intoxicated local on your arm.

4. 阿姨 (ayi). This is a woman whom laowais hire to clean and occasionally cook for them. Most ayis are dumpy and middle-aged and have husbands and children of their own. Some laowais avoid ayis out of sheer guilt, though most give in when they realize how affordable ayis are and how much of a hassle it is to clean your own house.

5. 小卖部 (xiao mai bu). These are the ubiquitous shops that exist on practically every street corner in the less-gentrified parts of China. To the laowai, the xiao mai bu is a vital location- only his apartment, place of work, and bar rank as more frequently visited destinations. While most xiao mai bus look the same, more observant laowais quickly figure out which ones sell cold beer, saltines, and other important accessories to the laowai lifestyle.

6.  关系 (guanxi). This is the catch-all Chinese word for relationships, though its meaning is far more significant than the English translation indicates. Because Chinese culture places a lot of emphasis on interpersonal relationships as a means for advancement in society, foreigners tend to use this word anytime they refer to their 'connections' or any instance when someone is promoted on any basis beyond merit. Laowais often boast of having good guanxi, usually through a drunken conversation had with a Chinese friend one night.

7. 拉肚子 (la duzi). Ah, la duzi. The scourge of China, and the world's best excuse for taking a day off. Some time ago I devoted an entire post to the subject because, frankly, it deserves one.

8. 派出所 (pai chu suo). These are the little local police stations that require foreigners to register every time they've moved, their visa has changed, or they have left an re-entered the country. Technically, failure to comply results in a hefty fine but enforcement is uneven depending on location, even within the same city. I registered late once and faced no punishment whatsoever, while a friend of mine here in Kunming is regularly visited by the local cop- often at odd hours- to check on his status. There are stories floating around though indicating that enforcement has become much stricter lately due to the upcoming National Day extravaganza.

9. Dialogue- This is a television show on CCTV9, the government-run English-language network on Chinese television. Dialogue is hosted by Yang Rui, an odd looking fellow whose grating interview style has made him notoriously unpopular among the few laowai who watch his show. Yang often has an axe to grind and is something of a Communist Party sycophant.

10. Da Shan- Da Shan is the Chinese name of a Canadian named Mark Rowswell, who has become perhaps the most famous laowai in all of China. Da Shan is admired by the Chinese for his perfect Mandarin as well as his facility with cross-talk, a Chinese comedic art form that, until Da Shan came along, was off-limits to foreigners. Most other laowai hate Da Shan though few can articulate why. Some taxi drivers are fond of comparing a laowai's Mandarin ability negatively to Da Shan's, much to the consternation of the laowai.

11. 串 (chuanr). These are little meat kebabs available at every street-food shop in China, particularly in the north and northwest. The average laowai only eats chuanr very late at night after several beers, and chuanr often get the blame for the la duzi (see number 7) the laowai suffers from the subsequent morning.

12. English Corner. This is an activity organized by most language schools in which the Chinese students are free to ask their foreign teachers whatever they'd like. Most foreign teachers find English Corner tedious and boring and contrive excuses to get out of it. The boredom results from having to field the same seven questions the students always ask, including whether the foreigner knows how to use chopsticks or whether he likes eating Chinese food.

13. 白酒 （baijiu). This is Chinese rice wine, available at every dinner banquet in China without exception. Few foreigners profess to liking baijiu, though most will drink it in order to be a good sport. Baijiu is normally downed in shot glasses after a round of celebratory toasting. An evening of baijiu drinking inevitably results in all and sundry becoming very intoxicated. Women are normally exempt from drinking baijiu but some choose to do so anyway.

14. 没办法 (mei banfa). This is an expression that literally means 'without a way' but, as is common, has far more uses than its English equivalent. Mei banfa is frequently the last line of defense during an argument over why something hasn't happened that was supposed to. An utterance of mei ban fa immediately absolves the speaker of any responsibility for the particular problem, making it a useful tool for the lazy laowai.

15. 交班了- (jiao banle). This is what taxi drivers say when they refuse to pick you up because they are changing shifts. For whatever reason, taxi shift change times are very inconvenient in China, causing much angst among the laowai. During jiao banle time the exasperated laowai normally has to wait for a long time for a taxi, only to have them wave him off. Laowais new to China often mistakenly assume they're the victims of racial discrimination and react to the jiaobanle explanation with pure rage.

16. 你汉语说得很好！(ni hanyu shoude hen hao!) This is an expression that simply means 'You speak Chinese very well!'. Many Chinese people, bless their hearts, will tell the laowai this even if the laowai has only ever said hello to them. Older Chinese, or Chinese people who have had little exposure to foreigners, often find it difficult to believe that some foreigerns can speak their language. Usually, though, the Chinese will simply say this to be polite though quite a few foreigners still take this as an accurate appraisal of their Mandarin skills.

That's enough for now. Any to add?

UPDATE: A reader e-mailed to say I've made two little Chinese errors in this post: jiaobanle is actually written 交班了 while shuode is actually 说得. I've made the corrections above.