Matt Schiavenza From the Dragon to the Apple- A Sinophile in New York

Being Gay in China

From a friend, a Chinese woman in her mid-twenties:

My best male friend is gay, and he has known this for sure since college. He first told me and a few other female friends about his sexual orientation, a difficult admission to say the least. I encouraged him to tell his parents. His father, not long after his son broke the news, committed suicide. While there were other factors at play, my friend said that his announcement devastated his father. I felt very guilty after that.

His mother refused to believe that her son was gay, and began to seek a wife for him. Meanwhile, my friend fell in love with a male classmate in college. One day, he worked up the courage to tell this classmate that he liked him. The classmate not only rejected him, but also spread word of my friend's homosexuality throughout campus. My friends and I told everyone that the story wasn't true, that our friend was just joking. But the damage was done. At graduation, I walked up to the classmate and slapped him in the face.

Now, my friend works as a policeman. Almost all of his colleagues are men, and he would not dare tell any of them that he is gay. His mother eventually found a girl for him to marry. They are engaged, and preparations are being made for the wedding. My friend confessed that he has not yet slept with his fiancee. The thought of having sex with a woman repulses him. He even finds it difficult sharing a bed with her.

When I think of my friend, I feel sad and angry. But there's nothing we can do about it.

The recent Gay Pride event in Shanghai drew a lot of attention from the Western media, whose common narrative trumpeted a new, more liberal China. Certainly, there are worse places on earth to be gay than in China. But I'm afraid that my friend's tale is not uncommon, even in reasonably large and cosmopolitan cities like Kunming.