Chinese Men, Western Women
Anecdotal evidence suggests that relationships between Western men and Chinese women are far more common than relationships between Chinese men and Western women. Assuming that this conjecture is in fact true, what are the possible reasons why? Here are a few guesses, culled from beer-time conversations over the years. .
1. Most foreign men find Chinese women attractive, sometimes exclusively so. Most foreign women, by contrast, find Chinese men unattractive. As one Scottish girl once said to me, "Chinese women are slender, petite, and feminine. Unfortunately, so are Chinese men".
2. Many Chinese women admit to having an attraction or even an preference to Western men. Few Chinese men will admit to having an attraction to Western females, or at least I've never met one.
3. Single Western men living in China far outnumber single Western women.
4. Many Western men who come to China for business earn a very high salary and thus can offer a more affluent lifestyle to a Chinese woman. Traditional gender roles makes it less likely that a Chinese man will be attracted to a Western woman with a high salary.
5. Given the importance of male offspring in Chinese culture, Chinese men often have a great sense of familial duty, making it more difficult for them to consider moving overseas.
6. Chinese men seldom approach strange women in bars, clubs, or cafes perhaps due to a fear of rejection (and losing "face"). This of course is an obstacle when trying to meet women. Western men are far likelier to chat up a Chinese girl due to cultural customs that encourage such behavior.
These are just ideas- I don't necessarily endorse any of them. This is mostly a composite of things I hear from both Chinese guys and Western girls. Any thoughts?
March 24th, 2008 - 07:22
Numbers 3 and 4 strike me as being the most reasonable. Number 1 applies only in the south. Northerners tend to be a bit bigger and less feminine.
But anecdotal evidence tells me there are a lot more Chinese man/Western woman couples out there, even down south where the men are so girly. For some reason they just don’t attract as much attention or so many absurd, negative stereotypes.
March 24th, 2008 - 07:34
Addendum to number 4: traditional gender roles also mean that some Chinese men are unhappy with a girlfriend who shows her opinion openly and/or doesn’t act like a little girl all the time.
I think that number 3 and number 6 are definitely factors. Number 6 pertains not just to Chinese men dating Western women but also Chinese men dating Chinese women. Here in Tianjin, which is admittedly more traditional than Shanghai or Beijing, few of my Chinese friends have a girlfriend they picked up in a bar. Their girlfriends are almost always former classmates or friends of friends. They use their social network to find partners rather than gamble on unknowable.
March 24th, 2008 - 07:57
1. Most foreign men find Chinese women attractive, sometimes exclusively so. Most foreign women, by contrast, find Chinese men unattractive. As one Scottish girl once said to me, “Chinese women are slender, petite, and feminine. Unfortunately, so are Chinese men”.
MY COMMENT: I don’t know what Chinese men that Scottish girl ran into (gay men?), but I think most Chinese men are definitely not feminine, like most men in any other country. Being slender (not every Chinese man is like Schwartznegger in his heydays, and certainly most of them are not as fat as some of the western men) is not necessarily a bad thing. Being petite? Yeah if you want tall men, you’d better go to Scandinavia.
2. Many Chinese women admit to having an attraction or even an preference to Western men. Few Chinese men will admit to having an attraction to Western females, or at least I’ve never met one.
MY COMMENT: Maybe it is simply true that most Chinese men are not attracted to western females, for whatever reason?
3. Single Western men living in China far outnumber single Western women.
MY COMMENT: True. And in my opinion, those western women found in China are generally not that attractive. Maybe the shallower, prettier western women don’t come to China.
4. Many Western men who come to China for business earn a very high salary and thus can offer a more affluent lifestyle to a Chinese woman. Traditional gender roles makes it less likely that a Chinese man will be attracted to a Western woman with a high salary.
MY COMMENT: True. Like women in many third-world countries, many Chinese women are very materialistic. As to not being attracted to western women with a high salary, NO MAN is attracted to a woman with a high salary, they are privately referred to as “bitches”.
5. Given the importance of male offspring in Chinese culture, Chinese men often have a great sense of familial duty, making it more difficult for them to consider moving overseas.
MY COMMENT: Maybe true. But I think most men probably don’t care.
6. Chinese men seldom approach strange women in bars, clubs, or cafes perhaps due to a fear of rejection (and losing “face”). This of course is an obstacle when trying to meet women. Western men are far likelier to chat up a Chinese girl due to cultural customs that encourage such behavior.
MY COMMENT: If you mean generally Chinese and Asian men are shy compared to western men, yes.
I want to add something: The fact that many western men find Chinese or other Asian women attractive is not necessarily something to be proud of. It is called a “fetish”. Most sex-tourists in Thailand are western men.
March 24th, 2008 - 17:29
Hehe, knew this one would solicit a few comments. In response:
Chris,
You’re right- there are far more Chinese men/Western women couples than generally acknowledged. But every stereotype, as they say, contains a grain of truth…
Matthew,
Absolutely- the concept of 关系 applies equally to romantic relationships. I’d be interested to see statistics on internet dating in East Asia to test this point.
Pfeffer,
At least in Kunming, there are quite a few attractive Western women around, and some of them have dated Chinese guys- but others have expressed some frustration at being unable to meet guys in general here due to competition with Chinese girls.
You might get into a bit of trouble with some of my female readers, my friend
I’m also going to have to strenously disagree with your comment that “no man” is attracted to women with a high salary. Perhaps I’m unique in this regard, but I doubt it. A man who would find a woman unattractive for the sole reason that she’s successful and earns more than him obviously has major insecurity issues.
And please don’t confuse “taste” with “fetish”. Sex tourism is hardly limited to Western men, and this notion that somehow only Westerners are perverts annoys the hell out of me. Why are visits to the brothel often tacked onto business meetings in East Asia? I’m not defending sex tourists but please…their existence has far more to do with socio-economic concerns than some bullshit white man’s “fetish” toward Asian girls.
And in general…everyone has different taste. Some guys like white girls, some black girls, some Asians, some all three. Some guys like blondes, others brunettes, some red-heads. Some guys dig tall girls, ones with big breasts, ones with long hair, ones with dark eyes. I know quite a few white men who are exclusively attracted to Asian women and can attest that none of them suffer from a “fetish”.
March 24th, 2008 - 20:49
I have been a silent reader of your and some other China blogs for a while. This is a very interesting topic. I am a Chinese man originally from Southern China. Many years ago when I was single college student in China, I met lots of single American and other Western women students/teachers in our college. I became friends with many of them through some common interested. Honestly I never thought of any romantic relationship with any of them. Here are the reasons. First, they were not that attractive. Sorry, not many attractive Western women were in China then. Second, I didn’t know what was on their mind. I felt like George Constanza. You know, Seinfeld is universal. I need hands. I have no hands if I were to date a Western woman. Realistically, if my foreign girlfriend were to go on a vacation in, say, Hong Kong (LOL), I couldn’t even get a visa then to go with her. So it was very unrealistic. After living in America for many years, I started to find American women a lot more attractive physically than Chinese and other Asian women in general. Of course, I am referring to those flat belly ones. (Sorry, all men are pigs and I am no exception.) I found my taste for beauty changes.
March 24th, 2008 - 22:37
Matt,
The point about sex tourists in Thailand is that the fact that most of them are western men says something, doesn’t it? Of course prostitution exists everywhere, but you would think most of the johns in an Asian country like Thailand would be the locals, right? The Japanese travel everywhere and you don’t see them swarming toward Amsterdam or Vegas looking for white hookers, right?
The other thing is, if you have ever ventured into a porn shop in the States you will find racks stacked with Asian-theme porn. Are they geared toward the Asian poluation? I doubt it. Same thing as you can see sometimes on some porn sites, “Asian” is listed as a category.
I am not saying everyone who is attracted to Asian women has the fetish, but certainly some do.
March 25th, 2008 - 10:11
I was going to leave this one alone but since it got so close to my heartstrings (fetishism and pornography) I thought I would add my two cents.
“…sex tourists in Thailand …most of them are western men says something, doesn’t it?”
Actually, no. The fact that Thailand is one of the world’s number one sex tourist destinations says something about its lax laws towards this industry not anything about the people who frequent said establishments. The fact hat you are even lumping sex tourism into the same boat as fetishism and pornography is insane. Why not talk about human trafficking, or a lack of sexual education, the absence of available women’s clinics or the rising number of abortions; because, clearly these all play a factor in what you are deeming either Western and/or Eastern behavior.
“Of course prostitution exists everywhere, but you would think most of the johns in an Asian country like Thailand would be the locals, right?”
–They are, 65% of the (Thailand) sex industry is fueled by locals. Regardless, it is the industry and the frequenters that should be picked apart, not the color of their skin and/or country of origin.
I won’t even address your next statement because if you have ever been to Vegas you know that you can get anything you want and that Vegas, of all places to quote, does not discriminate. How about Macao, any different? One reason, as you mentioned, Chinese deviants are not taking off in droves to Amsterdam and other such places is due to visa constraints. The demand for such places (pink houses, KTV’s, clubs, saunas and so on) is clearly there. In fact, more so than any other country I have been to.
Are Chinese men bad, no. Is there a large part of the populous that frequents these establishments, most definitely?
Research fetish and what it entails. Uneducated people who speak out for causes they do not fully understand create stigma, bias, and bigotry. Let’s not take preference for something as wonderful as sex with an Asian woman, and turn it into something deviant.
March 27th, 2008 - 05:50
Thanks Todd- that was excellent.
March 28th, 2008 - 01:49
“Chinese deviants are not taking off in droves to Amsterdam and other such places is due to visa constraints”
Todd, I thought Chinese and Japanese were different??